Burning up

For school, we have to do, well, lots of stuff.
I missed one test (as in; didn’t make it.) and failed 3 assingments. I have to hand in another tomorrow, which isn’t done and can’t get done, so that makes 4. Sure, I can re-do them all, but it just sucks that I even have to.
But, I gues it can’t be helped. The reason for this is simple: We do group tasks, and this period, three out of the five people in my group are idiots. Really, they are. One already stopped, and the other two are just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay under the level they should be. Just this moring, we where sitting in a PC lab, trying to get some C++ (Or, well MS VC++ .NET ) done. In C++, you device every class into two files. In the header, you define variables and functions (Or fields and methods, as they like to call them at school) and in the source, you fill the body of those functions. (Little explaination for the non-coders: In the header, you tell the compiler (= program that does something so it’ll work.) how it looks, what it has. In the source, you tell them what is does exactly.)
This is needed if you want to use one of your classes in another one of your classes. (You have to include the header.) Easy, right? (Well, it is if a teacher explains it, and you have a book that has 10 pages that cover the how and why. (The basics anyway.) )
But, for some reason, those two guys just don’t get it. So, me and the guy that does know what he’d doing explain. Then, five minutes later, they ask us `Ok, and now tell me how I do that` (Took them five minutes to release they didn’t know that.. come on.) So, we explain that. Twenty minutes later, something doesn’t work. They say `Jory, can you take a look?`. Sure, I’ll take a look. It is, after all, part of an assignment that you guys are making together with me..
So, I look at the screen. And what do I see? Well, a lot, but not the header/source structure I told you about twenty fucking minutes ago, moron!
So, I tell them to clean it up, and then I’ll take a look (I’m not cleaning it up for them; I do need to get some coding done myself, otherwise, this thing won’t get done in time.) And now, the two off them have the guts to tell me that I need to just do my work (Which, apparently, is clean up there mess..) so they can do there’s?
Well, I’m sorry guys, but I can’t.
I gave that a try, and look where it got me: 3 assignments and 1 test behind!
I don’t have the time nor energy for that. (Well, OK, maybe I do have the time, but then, I’d be working non-stop.)

That god it’ll all be over in 3 weeks and 1 day. Those three weeks in Itally will do me good.

Motivation..

.. I have non.
Really, I do not have any motivation, whatsoever.
I just always think “Why should I even bother?”. And I also know exactly why I think that.
Its because I know I’ll fail. It doesn’t matter what I want to do, how hard I try, how much time and effort I put into it, I always end up failing. Because of that, I hardly undertake anything anymore. This, in turn, caused my social life to become pretty much non-existant. And that is the one thing I want to change more than anything else. But, I just can’t pull myself together and go do something about it. Reason: I know I’ll fail. (That, and my fear off rejection. It may sound stupid, but I’m always afraid like hell that if I try to make a new friend, that person will dislike me. It sucks.)

Yea, thats it for now.
I know nobody reads this, but it feels good to just make this post. Not sure why, but it does.

sweet!

As you may know, I study do become a programmer. I’m mostly interested in hardware controlling stuff right now, though that may change. As a part of this study, we have to learn C / C++. But, because they couldn’t find good books that take all the work our off there hands and free compilers for that feel we aren’t ready to deal with memory management, we are getting Microsoft Visual C++ .NET instead. Oh well, its mostly the same, just managed code (=memory hogging. WinXP is mostly make in this, so is Office, so now I see where my RAM is going..) and some extra’s are build-in.
So make sure we learn it quickly, we have 1 of 2 full days of it teach week, this whole semester. I don’t mind, programming is something I enjoy doing. I do, however, mind being in school untill 5, having nothing to do but some stupid exersize I can finish in an hour or so. So, I don’t. Me and Robbert (the guy I work with; they want us to work together and learn from eachother and stuff.) normally leave at about 4. (Meaning, I’m home around 5, and he is home around 5.30 ~ 6.) But, yesterday, this other teacher (lipa) happened to be in the classroom as well. When we stood up, he said ‘Boys, its not 5 yet..’. So, Robbert walks over to our real teacher (vejr) and asks `Is it OK if we leave?`. The conversation that followed put the biggest grin on Robbers face.
lipa: *points at watch*
vejr: *looks, not understanding*
lipa: Its not time yet.
vejr: Its late already, they can go.
lipa: Its just 4 o’clock, this class doesn’t end untill 5.
vejr: I know, but these boys know what they are doing. They are just about the only ones that haven’t falling behind.
Robbert: *walks out with huge grin*
That was sweet.

Something else thats sweet: New PC. :hyper:
Ok, so its just a P4 @ 2,4 GHz, 256 MB Ram, 38 GB HD, but thats OK. It means people will be on this PC less, meaning I can use it more. (And also, another PC to play with, without the risk of screwing up the PC I use. )

Annoyences

Lately, I’ve been annoyed a lot. Its mostly because of people acting plain stupid / annoying. ( *gasp* yes, annoying people annoy me *gasp* )
A little example: (And I know that if this person reads this, he’ll know I’m talking about him. But honestly, I don’t give a ####.)
On irc.freenode.net#zetaboards
The guy in question (Lets call him John Doe) posts a link in the channel (without anybody asking for it, mind you) and asks what we think of it. I click the link, nothing there really, just 1 line of text, some logo and an ad.
So I say that its empty, I say I don’t like the ads, and I joke that he shouldn’t be using www.
Now, sure, I can see if he didn’t get it was a joke, but he goes offensive right away.
Things like `I’m using the ads to promote the use of .co.nr domains`. (First off, why? :s) and then, he tells me to reload.
He says he made the ads blend in better. So I look, and see no difference. So I tell him that. Turns out, the whole frikken site if full of ads. ( :wub: noscript) So I tell him that I’m only seeing that one ad, and have the rest blocked.
Him `boo`.
I explain I have most ads blocked as I find them annoying.
Him, again `boo`.
At this point, I’m annoyed and decide to ignore the window (it was in query.)
A little while later, still on irc.freenode.net#zetaboards
John Doe sent me another query.
About one second later, I get pinged.
John Doe: jory
John Doe: read ur pm
A few minutes afterwards, again on irc.freenode.net#zetaboards
Pete is saying that he’d like to see an IF Trivia Live soon, and that he’ll talk to Stephen about that lateron.
John Doe asks what it is. Pete explains. He asks when the next is planned.
Read you fool! Pete is saying he’d like to see one soon. Does that not mean that non are planned soon?

Then, the topic about the http://komnir.com/knife/ challenge.
That could be a good topic. It could be helpfull to those that are stuck. To bad that some people are posting passwords or direct links to levels in it. Or giving `clues` that are totally wrong, or are otherwise lying.

Then for some things that happend to me last week at work.
First off, customers. I truly do not get these people.
A few things about them I don’t get:

• Why do you always come when I’m eating my lunch? I am verry willing to help you about 7,5 hours of the day, but not when I’m having a break. Yet, you always come, exectly then? :s
• I work there, so I know what I’m talking about. Now, sure, I don’t know every single fancy latin name you found in some magazine, but I can do you one better: I can get you the plant you want, not the guy that writes for the magazine wants. I have been doing this for about 3,5 years now, so I think I know what I’m talking about.
• (This is somewhat of a followup on the last one, actually.) Why, when I say you should use that furtaliser, don’t you beleave it, even when I explain exactly why, yet when my boss tells you `its better` you’ll be ahead and buy it?
• See that pricetag right there? That is how much it costs. It says `€1, 10 for €8,50`. This means, if you but one, you pay one euro. If you buy 10, you get 1,50 euro discount. So, no, I will not sell them for €0.50 each. Not to you, not to the next guy, not to anybody. (####, I don’t even give my own mother discounts.. thats why she always pays to my boss. :p ) Its why we have pricetags, actually, to show you what the price is.

Also, I installed ADSL for my boss yesterday and today.
Pulling the cables and stuff was OK, I got everthing setup relatively fast (taking into account I never did it before) but then, there was a problem. See, there PC is kinda old, so it doesn’t have an ethernet card. There wasn’t one in the installation pack eighter.
So I went out to buy one. Put it in (#### you @ compaq for making casings that are such a pain to open.), installed it (Win98 really does suck…) and plugged in everything. When that was done, I installed some software there ISP gave them. It was mostly just clicking and waiting for it to check, as its designed to guide your trough the installation of everything, laying out wires, etc. which I had already done. Then, again, a problem: It wanted a password. We had no idea where it was, so I gave the helpdesk a call. `I’m sorry but I can’t give you that. I can tell you the username is [boss's name]@adsl-surf`. So I changed that. Goodies, now, the password isn’t wrong anymore, as the username doesn’t excist. So my boss gave them a call, there was lots of confirming it was really us, and they gave us the (right) username and password. I finished setting stuff up and internet worked.
But, in the mean while, I had to hold back from cursing trought the phone about 20 times. Even my boss said the helpdesk guy was an ###. (Fun thing: him `now start IE. Clear the URL bar. thats the bar where you type the internet adress. Now type in 10.0.0.138` Me `login on the router? sure..` him `er… yes`)

So, yea, I got annoyed a lot lately.
And I’m tired. So good night.

All’s well that ends well

As those of you who read previous posts & comments (Or are regulars on irc.freenode.net#zetaboards / puppeh) might know, I haven’t been great the last few weeks, and been real bad the last few days.
But today, when I was at work, I was thinking.
(I think a lot at work, as my job doesn’t really require the use of my brains, so, yea, I might as well be thinking about other stuff.)
And I came to a conclusing, that made me pretty happy.
You see, I haven’t been happy (as in: `my life is good`, not `yay!`) for a while. But, thanks to Kim (the cute girl), I’m feeling really good. See, even though I got really really really hurt afterwards, when she kissed me, I was happy. Truely happy. And when I was thinking under the boss his time, I relised that. And the understanding that I can (and therefore, will) truely be happy, even tho I haven’t been in ages, outweights the pain of rejection, with ease.

So, yea, I am feeling better now, much much better.

Wonderfull evening :D

As some of you may know, there is this girl that I’ve known for about 5 years now, and how I recently started liking, alot.
(More info: .. hi again, you.. and Loot at the pretty colors )
So tonight, we went to a movie (Romantic comedie) and it was lots of fun. After that, we went home on the train, some tension, I was to afraid to show her how I felt tho.
Then, just before we had to split up, we stopped, talked for a bit, and then we kissed.
Its such a releaf to know she likes me as well, I feel absolutely wonderfull.

So, yea, life can, at times, be sweet.

Look at the pretty colors :D

Ooooh, colorfull java
And more of that

Colorfull, huh?
I made that.

……
Ok, so my `great java work` isnt’ all that great.
…..
But I’m happy, and I thought those colors would expres that nicely.
Reason: I’m going to the movies with somebody.
(Assuming we can find one we like thats at a place we car reach :\ )

Some thoughts

There are some things on my mind, and I figured, hey, I have a blog, lets use it.
But they are all kinda short, so putting them into different posts seems silly.
So here goes:

Yay, we’re not going to be poor
My dad works at Fuji, and they where firing about 150 people.
Due do a bunch of laws, they just take those that have been working there the shortest.
And my dad hasn’t been working there for all that long (Just a few years.)
So we where kinda worried. My mom even asked her bos if she could work 40 hour weeks (she does 20 hour weeks now) if dad would get fired.
But, he can stay, so all is good. (Untill they need to lose more people :\ )

Whats with me?
For some reason, I totally lack the courage to do the things I really really really want to.
I know I should just do it, but I can’t, I’m just to fucking afraid. :’(
(Bah @ fear of rejection)

Damn laze
Recently, I’ve been wanting to write this blog script.
You see, I don’t like wordpress, nor any other blog I gave a try.
And I know I can write my own. And it would be damn sweet to.
But for some reason, I can’t pull myself together and work on it for more then 30 minutes or so. :\

Die scematics, die!!
So, as you may know, I’m studying to be a programmer.
But, for some reason, all we learn is to make stupid scematics.
Now, if they would help us to make better programs, sure.
And I’m sure they would, if only those damn teachers would explain it!
(In an understandable fashion, that is.)

Compy please?
Really, I should get my own PC.
Not because I can’t use this one enough, not because this one isn’t good enough, no, thats all fine.
The problem is just; I can’t use Kunbutu here full time, even though I really want to.
Or well.. I could.. but I don’t want to reboot the thing every time I want to use it.
Having my own PC would solve that. It would also solve the partition issue I have (Can’t edit most of my things if I’m on Kubuntu (NTFS), which basically sucks.) and fact that my folks get pissed off every time I’m not on windows and they need to see there email (There is another PC, so just get it all there. Or better: Use IMAP, its not supported for nothing you know..)

Rude, Me? Dude, fuck you, I’m not dude, shut up
You get my point. I’m a terrible person.

Why the neglect?
Why do I neglect this place?
I could have spread out these posts over a few days, but I just didn’t want to press the new post button and type it up.

hosting :hyper:

:ph34r: my new site, http://jorygeerts.com/.
There isn’t much there yet, mostly because I don’t have the time to set things up / write stuff I want right now.
But thats OK, as I pay $0 a month. Go go lifetime packages.

:).. hi again, you.. :)

Its carnaval here, wich means 4~5 days of party-ing and drinking and getting no where near enough sleep (for me anyway).

(Somewhat related note; there are parades in every town with carnaval. My dad and some others did something in the one here. I wonder if they won a prize (Well, I think there where only 2 or 3 groups in there categorie, so… ) )

The last three nights, every evening, I went to Gilze, a near by town.
And last night, me and some friends from my old school where meating up.
And there she was. The girl that I had been riding to school with for 5 years.
There have been rumors about the two of us being together pretty much all the time (even when she had this one relatedship that lasted for, I think 6 months, some people kept saying she was my girlfriend.. silly them..) but we wheren’t.
But now that we hardly see eachother anymore, I miss her.. I miss everybody.. but mostly her.. and when I heard I’d be seeing her again, my stomach became hollow, I became nervous.
Weird feeling, getting nervous about seeing somebody you used to see all the time.
And then, last night, every time we looked at eachother, I just had to smile.
And when it was time for me to go home (She also lives in Rijen, but was sleeping in Gilze) somehow, they accomanied me a long long time (`they` being her and two of our other friends) and she and I talked a lot about.. well.. nothing really.. but that was OK.. I just didn’t want to go.. I wanted that overly pointless conversation that was taking place in the middle of the night to last for ever.

I’m not sure if she notices, the others did, but I hope she didn’t, kinda..

Note:
I’m calling her she just in came eigther one of my sisters sees this.
You should know her name tho.. its the password.

Note: For those that aren’t getting this: I beleave I’m in love..